From the Hearts of the Deep

"I was attending the funeral mass and as the sermon was going on, I kept watching the face of my dead cousin and while I was lost with my own thoughts, I remember hearing the priest say “Death equals us all, while we live in this world; all this greed, anger, rage and selfishness we carry within ourselves, in the end, death makes sure, we are all sent away with nothing from this world”

I sat on a small cement bench in the outskirts of the Stanley hospital, where 49years back they brought my grandfather motionless to this very place. Having met with a road accident he was declared dead on arrival and a whole family lost control there on.

Today I sit in the same place, where my cousin brother laid motionless on a stretcher with half his body covered in blood, and the rest closed with white cloth. In the background I hear my aunt screaming and crying out in pain, having lost her only son to a gory accident. I sat motionless thinking about what had happened in a few hours. My mind was filled with trauma while I thought about that phone call which rang at 5:30 in the morning, the news, the horror which followed. My heart stopped when I heard the news that one of a soul who was so close to me and dear to me in all these years is suddenly no more to be in this world.

Dad and me were the first to reach the hospital, a gory sight to see your loved ones crying in tears not having the strength to look at the world. There are times in your lives when you stay with no strength to help yourself, and when that feeling of helplessness sets in, there is pretty much nothing you can do to save yourself from the dread of the sorrows.

We come into this world as a bare parcel of flesh and blood, and we there on begin a wonderful journey, Within each of us is a profound wisdom guiding us on our journey through life. Surrounding this journey of ours; are layers of other instincts, understandings and knowledge accumulated in the mind and body. The mind has years of memories and thoughts which are made and saved. Our bodies age as one with nature, they take the brunt of the outside world, but safe enough to save the unsaid memories of the past, and the unknown thoughts of the future. Our hearts hold our burning passions and many a times act as bridges to our souls and in turn our souls extend beyond this body and lifetime, carrying the wisdom of our higher purpose.

When I stood there in front of his motionless body, there were thoughts plummeting high up in my mind, about the messages, the memories and the life which I have shared with this very person who is no longer with me, that sense of grief still takes its time to take its toll on me. I cease to understand, the sagacity of death. The ways it takes us from this world without notice, the different ways it chooses for us. In one of the world’s greatest mysteries lies the mystery of death. The mystery; a million souls cannot solve.

Sometimes death appears to render life meaningless for many because they feel that there is no point in developing character or increasing knowledge if our progress is ultimately going to be thwarted by death. However, there is a point in growing your character and increasing knowledge before death overtakes us: to provide peace of mind and intellectual satisfaction to our lives and to the lives of those we care about for their own sake because pursuing these goals enriches our lives. From the fact that death is inevitable it does not follow that nothing we do matters now. On the contrary, our lives matter a great deal to us and for the ones we love. If they did not, we would not find the idea of our own death so distressing--it wouldn't matter that our lives will come to an end. The fact that we're all eventually going to die makes me think that what ever you do for other, all what remains is what you were for them and not what you had with you.

The fact that he died when he was 24 years old; put a nail to my head and makes me think is that what was required out of him. A young tender age which otherwise would have started a whole new journey, lies motionless in front of me, halfway between the heaven and the earth slowly to have breathed his journey goodbye. The enigma of death is something the human mind will never be able to realize but the fact that the day we are born starts that tender clock to tick over makes me understand a million other thoughts, of what I have to do and on those far miles I have go before I sleep.

When I came out of the hospital, I saw my aunt, holding my sister and weeping. I went next to her and clutched my hand over her shoulders in grief. I heard my aunt mumble to my sister, she said “Look at the body in front of you….. The brother who was with you, the one I fed dinner last night, is no longer with us. This life you live in, is so fragile and so are the thoughts you create about someone. All this worldly pleasures of greed, selfishness, anger and wrath ends with death…" But the only thing this world will remember of you is how you made them feel, and what you left back for them, because when you go, you just leave without time to say goodbye.

I moved away from them and sat on a lonely bench, envisaging about the first few lines she said about life.. “This Life is so fragile” and yeah it is, people come into your life and walk away too soon. They don’t get to say goodbye. May be I have to do more to the people I love, or may be my time is coming soon. I do not know what life has in store for me, but I know that when the last few seconds of my life flashes in front of me, I want them to feel worthy. A life worthy enough to be loved and lived.

This life is an amazing journey but many a times, man wades through life and forgets to experience it. When we are young we long to grow up and take charge of life. In our middle age we are preoccupied with what we consider important. It's only when we grow old we realize how much we missed out in life and long to live life "just once again" and that once; never comes to us ever again…….

And sitting in church drowned within my own thoughts, I heard him say “Death equals us all, while we live in this world; all this greed, anger, rage and selfishness we carry within ourselves, in the end, death makes sure, we are all sent away with nothing from this world” In the end, we live a life by giving; And by that giving we learn the very essence of our living.